The child in my arms reaches out his hand to brush my face. His dimples slowly deepen and laughter sparkles in his eyes. I see his absolute trust, the light that shines forth. I quietly save this moment in my memory and let myself be immersed in tenderness.
When I was asked to start writing this blog, I wondered how I could write about things that touch people. Would I dare to open up? Could I trust the reader, that unknown person out there somewhere? Could I write about my thoughts freely and without misgivings?
It is sometimes difficult to be brave. It is sometimes difficult to trust.
My father died when I was little. I lost an irreplaceable part of my childhood, a solid rock, a person whom I loved and who loved me. I lost my sense of security. I began to realize that not all things are permanent or easy in life.
I was bullied at school and lost even more of my trust – and my self-respect. I cheated in tests to make others think I was doing fine. I thought I was sparing my mother by keeping quiet about the bullying and my other difficulties. I struggled to get through the last semester and barely made it. I was ashamed of being different, of not being good enough. Of being too sensitive. Too easy to take offence. Too something.
It was only many years later that I began to understand how those times shaped me. They broke down something but also built up something.
I have made mistakes and bad choices on the way, just like everybody else. But it is fortunate that we have a way to deal with painful things. We can ask and have our faults and mistakes forgiven.
There are so many different people, each with their own background and pain. We may not always realize that something that seems easy or insignificant to us may crush someone else. I cannot see into your heart – and you cannot see into mine. That is why we need to stop and speak. Listen.
I have experienced the breakdown of something I trusted in. But I have also experienced the enduring strength of one foundation.
I believe there is a power that carries us even when we stumble under burdens. God, the Creator of all things, knows me better than I do myself. I can securely believe that my faults and mistakes have been forgiven. I will not become faultless, but that is what the perfect grace is for.
I will not be writing a perfect blog. My imperfect words may even offend or annoy you. But I want to accept this task and try. I will try to write about what I see and experience. About the rocky paths and the clear walkways. About the small hand that reaches to take mine and leads me.
I want to write about simple words that make us pause, or a single glance that tells us all we need to know.
Do you want to join me?
Text: Anne Lindfors
Translation: Sirkka-Liisa Leinonen
You will find the original Finnish blog post here.
Raamatun mukaan jokainen Jumalan valtakunnan jäsen on avoin lähetyskirje omassa toimintaympäristössään (2. Kor. 3:2–3). Tämä asia voi olla kipupiste uskovaiselle ihmiselle, sillä henkilökohtaisesta uskosta puhumiselle on korkea kynnys nyky-yhteiskunnassa.