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Vieraskieliset / In-english

Re­cip­ro­ci­ty bet­ween spou­ses

Siionin Lähetyslehti
Vieraskieliset / In-english
16.11.2016 11.09

Juttua muokattu:

1.1. 23:39

Mat­ri­mo­ny is part of God’s or­der of cre­a­ti­on. God cre­a­ted man and wo­man in­to a re­cip­ro­cal, equ­al, and life-sus­tai­ning re­la­ti­ons­hip. Mat­ri­mo­ny is not on­ly part of the or­der of things dec­reed by God, but He has al­so pro­mi­sed to bless mar­ri­a­ge. Un­der this bles­sing each mar­ri­a­ge aims to ac­comp­lish the task of fos­te­ring mu­tu­al at­tach­ment. Mar­ri­a­ge ma­kes it pos­sib­le to ex­pe­rien­ce the abun­dant gifts of life, the joy brought by child­ren, and the mi­rac­le of growth.

As be­lie­ving spou­ses we ex­pe­rien­ce spi­ri­tu­al fel­lows­hip and wish to tra­vel in ac­cor­dan­ce with our cal­ling. We be­lie­ve that God’s love ef­fects in us a spi­ri­tu­al de­si­re to che­rish things that are good, but being hu­man, we still feel in­ca­pab­le and po­wer­less at va­ri­ous sta­ges of our life.

Next to yo­ur he­art

Each hu­man being, while a tiny emb­ryo al­re­a­dy known by God, rests against its mot­her’s he­art for some time. Af­ter birth, the mi­rac­le of cre­a­ti­on, the baby is pro­tec­ted by its mot­her’s arms in its ear­ly in­fan­cy. We were all born in­to a re­cip­ro­cal re­la­ti­ons­hip where our mot­her res­pon­ded to our needs when we were hung­ry, cold, ti­red, or in pain.

We all feel the need for close hu­man re­la­ti­ons­hips in the same way we did as a small child who wan­ted to be pic­ked up by its mot­her. This is an in­na­te need in hu­man beings. We need so­me­o­ne to share our life ex­pe­rien­ces. In a good ma­ri­tal re­la­ti­ons­hip the spou­se can give us a fee­ling of in­ti­ma­cy and com­pa­ni­ons­hip. There is a bond that car­ries us in life and ma­kes us feel va­lu­ab­le, im­por­tant, and lo­ved.

The great mys­te­ry

The con­nec­ti­on bet­ween Christ and His cong­re­ga­ti­on is com­pa­red to the ma­ri­tal re­la­ti­ons­hip bet­ween man and wo­man: ”The­re­fo­re a man shall le­a­ve his fat­her and mot­her and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall be­co­me one flesh. This mys­te­ry is pro­found, and I am sa­ying that it re­fers to Christ and the church.” (Eph. 5:31–32) Mar­ri­a­ge gi­ves us a pos­si­bi­li­ty to le­arn about the ul­ti­ma­te will of God: ”You shall love the Lord yo­ur God with all yo­ur he­art and with all yo­ur soul and with all yo­ur strength and with all yo­ur mind, and yo­ur neigh­bor as yo­ur­self.” (Luke 10:27)

When we mar­ry, we form an al­li­an­ce with anot­her per­son. We make a big com­mit­ment and a big pro­mi­se. Ba­sed on the way they were cre­a­ted, hu­man beings have an in­he­rent need for that. The pro­mi­se to en­ter this al­li­an­ce and the de­si­re to be­co­me one flesh is pub­lic­ly con­fir­med and bles­sed in the mar­ri­a­ge ce­re­mo­ny. We pro­mi­se to love each ot­her un­til de­ath parts us. While li­ving our life with our spou­se, ob­li­ging and obe­dient to him or her, we can ref­lect the ima­ge of God and be a tool of love. Yet mar­ri­a­ge is not ba­sed on a lo­ving fee­ling alo­ne. It is a pro­mi­se ba­sed on cons­ci­ous vo­li­ti­on.

One flesh

Paul taught like this: ” In the same way hus­bands should love their wi­ves as their own bo­dies. He who lo­ves his wife lo­ves him­self. For no one ever ha­ted his own flesh, but nou­ris­hes and che­ris­hes it, just as Christ does the church. – – The­re­fo­re a man shall le­a­ve his fat­her and mot­her and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall be­co­me one flesh.” (Eph. 5:28–29, 31.)

We be­lie­ve that the ma­ri­tal re­la­ti­ons­hip bet­ween man and wo­man is ba­sed on equ­a­li­ty. Christ is the head of both hus­band and wife. We should as­pi­re to­ward spi­ri­tu­al, in­tel­lec­tu­al, and phy­si­cal uni­ty. This re­qui­res us to be obe­dient to God’s word and al­so to be wil­ling­ly obe­dient to our spou­se. The goal of be­co­ming one flesh re­qui­res in­te­rac­ti­on at dif­fe­rent le­vels. It re­qui­res words, lan­gu­a­ge, ears, sen­ses, de­si­re to lis­ten and to hear, wil­ling­ness to ver­ba­li­ze our­sel­ves. It is a high­ly comp­lex mat­ter.

Pe­ter inst­ruc­ted spou­ses like this:” Sa­rah obey­ed Ab­ra­ham, cal­ling him lord. And you are her child­ren, if you do good -- Li­ke­wi­se, hus­bands, live with yo­ur wi­ves in an un­ders­tan­ding way, sho­wing ho­nor to the wo­man as the we­a­ker ves­sel, sin­ce they are heirs with you of the grace of life.” (1 Pet. 3:6–7.)

Two por­ti­ons

For the spou­ses to be ab­le to live as one flesh, they need to love each ot­her like they love them­sel­ves. They al­so need res­pect, obe­dien­ce, trust, and open­ness. It is im­por­tant that both can free­ly exp­ress their opi­ni­ons, needs, and fee­lings. Life with our spou­se should be so se­cu­re that we can exp­ress even the emo­ti­ons that we find dif­fi­cult, such as sor­row, fear, and an­ger. To sol­ve conf­licts, we need to apo­lo­gi­ze and to for­gi­ve. When we be­lie­ve the gos­pel, we ex­pe­rien­ce the grace of a fresh start, which em­po­wers us to dis­cuss and weigh up the prob­lem un­til both spou­ses feel them­sel­ves free in the truth.

Di­sag­ree­ments bet­ween spou­ses may so­me­ti­mes re­sult in im­mi­nent or ac­tu­al psyc­ho­lo­gi­cal or phy­si­cal vi­o­len­ce. Je­a­lou­sy, an­xie­ty, fee­lings of lo­ne­li­ness, and dep­res­si­on may in­di­ca­te that the spou­ses have not had enough op­por­tu­ni­ties to dis­cuss and exp­lo­re things to­get­her. A de­ci­si­on to seek help from ot­her be­lie­vers or pro­fes­si­o­nals shows that the per­son is obe­dient to God’s word and com­mit­ted to ca­ring for them­sel­ves and their spou­se.

When both spou­ses are wil­ling to work for a bet­ter ma­ri­tal re­la­ti­ons­hip, things may imp­ro­ve even in see­ming­ly comp­li­ca­ted si­tu­a­ti­ons. The na­tu­ral life cour­se of a ma­ri­tal re­la­ti­ons­hip con­sists of dif­fe­rent sta­ges. To re­ach true ma­ri­tal com­pa­ni­ons­hip, the spou­ses may need to tra­vel a roc­ky path. Such com­pa­ni­ons­hip con­sists of true and ap­p­re­ci­a­ti­ve fel­lows­hip, obe­dien­ce, trust, and open­ness.

Be­au­ti­ful words are like lo­ve­ly flo­wers on a field. Po­si­ti­ve in­te­rac­ti­on to­day ma­kes for a bet­ter to­mor­row. This is al­so ref­lec­ted in the bib­li­cal inst­ruc­ti­on of the fruits of the Spi­rit: ”But the fruit of the Spi­rit is love, joy, pe­a­ce, pa­tien­ce, kind­ness, good­ness, faith­ful­ness, gent­le­ness and self-cont­rol.” (Gal. 5:22–23).

Text: Rit­va Vat­jus

Sour­ce: Ajan­koh­tais­ta 2012, Ju­ma­lan val­ta­kun­ta muut­tu­vas­sa ajas­sa (Ti­me­ly to­pics 2012, King­dom of God in the chan­ging time)

Trans­la­ti­on: S.-L. L.

Jul­kais­tu eng­lan­nin­kie­li­ses­sä nu­me­ros­sa 16.11.2016


Jee­sus sa­noi Pie­ta­ril­le: "Sinä olet Pie­ta­ri, ja täl­le kal­li­ol­le minä ra­ken­nan kirk­ko­ni. Sitä ei­vät tuo­ne­lan por­tit voi­ta. Minä olen an­ta­va si­nul­le tai­vas­ten val­ta­kun­nan avai­met." Matt. 16:18-19

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