Blog: Asking and listening
in English 15.5.2016 09:00 | Päivämies-verkkolehti
”How are you?” I often ask when I meet an acquaintance I have not seen for a while. This is what people also ask me. ”Fine, thank you!” is my usual response. Sometimes, however, I would like to tell the other person what things are occupying my mind, or what I am worrying about, or what good things have happened to me. Yet I assume that the question is a mere formality. That the other person is hardly genuinely interested in my life. They ask this question just out of politeness.
But I am grateful for being asked. I am grateful for the numerous friends who willingly listen to me and empathize with me. They want to share my joys, worries, and sorrows. We do not always even need words. A friendly smile and eye contact are enough to empower me and to lighten up my day.
I recently attended a training course related to a position of trust I am holding. The instructor summed up the keys to good interpersonal communication like this: ask – listen – hear. I remained to think about these three words. I know how to ask and even to listen. But do I hear? Do I have the time to hear and the will to understand the other person in such a way as to give them a feeling that they have been heard and understood?
I was on a group trip. There were thirty adults of different ages who came from different life situations. We used to gather together for discussions, and we once discussed the ways to encounter and acknowledge others. I remember one young mother who said she felt it was somehow easier to encounter and acknowledge people who were not faring well in life. How wonderful that there are people like that, I thought. More often we probably prefer to acknowledge people who are successful and popular.
People in our time emphasize individuality and appreciate persons who are strong and self-reliant. But it would also be important to recognize that many of our fellow humans are unhappy, marginalized, or suffering. Particularly those who have difficulties in life need an escort willing to ask, listen, and especially hear, understand, and support.
The words of the Bible (Gal. 6:2), ”Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ”, give a golden rule for our human relationships. If only each of us had the ability to hear and the sensitivity to understand our neighbors’ worries and need for help – and if only each of us had people whom we could ask for help and support.
Raili Lampela
Translation: S-L.L.
The blog post was published in online Päivämies on 14 Feb. 2015
I recently attended a training course related to a position of trust I am holding. The instructor summed up the keys to good interpersonal communication like this: ask – listen – hear. I remained to think about these three words. I know how to ask and even to listen. But do I hear? Do I have the time to hear and the will to understand the other person in such a way as to give them a feeling that they have been heard and understood?
I was on a group trip. There were thirty adults of different ages who came from different life situations. We used to gather together for discussions, and we once discussed the ways to encounter and acknowledge others. I remember one young mother who said she felt it was somehow easier to encounter and acknowledge people who were not faring well in life. How wonderful that there are people like that, I thought. More often we probably prefer to acknowledge people who are successful and popular.
People in our time emphasize individuality and appreciate persons who are strong and self-reliant. But it would also be important to recognize that many of our fellow humans are unhappy, marginalized, or suffering. Particularly those who have difficulties in life need an escort willing to ask, listen, and especially hear, understand, and support.
The words of the Bible (Gal. 6:2), ”Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ”, give a golden rule for our human relationships. If only each of us had the ability to hear and the sensitivity to understand our neighbors’ worries and need for help – and if only each of us had people whom we could ask for help and support.
Raili Lampela
Translation: S-L.L.
The blog post was published in online Päivämies on 14 Feb. 2015
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