Keskiviikko 19.9.2018
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Minulle elämä on Kristus ja kuolema on voitto. Fil. 1:21

Blog: April

in English 13.4.2017 06:27 | Päivämies-verkkolehti
It is hard to keep up with April. You find yourself bewildered in your dim room while the season begins to turn light outside the window. One morning you draw the curtains – and there it is: pinkish and yellowish like the colour of its name. It glimmers above the houses like a dome of glass and reflects on your eyes until your pupils almost disappear. And when you turn back indoors, your eyes turn dark like grapes, and if they were drawn as part of a cartoon, they would be full of white spots of light.
For afternoon breaks there are libraries with windows looking over the river, where light cascades recklessly through the window frames, pervading the old factory halls with bookshelves, caressing the curving rafters. At the desks next to the window heads are bent over specific scientific entities, though they may actually dream of hammering nails into a fence or varnishing a boat or boiling potatoes for a spring litter of pigs.
 
Or they might want both at the same time: carrot beds and lambs and chickens together with linguistic theories and curving coordinates and questions of how people act and where the limits of knowledge are. And at those limits and over all knowledge hovers the presence of almighty holiness challenged by fervent but hollow attempts to repudiate it. Yet there always remains an opening, a possibility.

Corridor encounters in April are beset by a contradiction: the sun is shining while the world is gradually deteriorating into ruins. Existence is permeated by ultimate irrelevance and fear, or frantic activity and fear.

From far away rises the instruction of the Bible not to be negligent but brave: to live and protect, to settle down and build brick ovens and houses and homes and families and sheepfolds. Sheep were not meant to carry the burden of global anguish – they have such weak legs.
April. At night the town thirstily breathes in air that is water-clear and thick with earthy smells. There is hardly any dissonance, the shift from daylight to dusk is furtive, and sleep remains far beyond my reach. Walking in the dark I cut a twig and feel the buds. They startle me a little.
 
I want to share my news with my jogging pal: There are deadlines and there is also time, if I only I could make proper use of it. And there are questions of professional identity and cyclic transmitter-unbalance-misfortune, and I have nothing for the summer yet, but I don’t feel too bad about it.  And while I am still speaking I feel like an animal with large ears and large teeth and a grating voice, its heavy tail beating, which does not know how to ask back nicely the same question. I just hear this: You who have temptations and little strength, believe your sins forgiven.

And trembling, leaning on the other person’s shoulder I cry quiet tears that melt away my fatigue. I cry away the idle talk, cry until my gaze is clear again, and there is free space for the other person to exist.

O, the beauty of God’s heaven and earth.

Text: Lotta Laitinen
Translation: S.-L. Leinonen

You will find the original Finnish blog post here

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