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Vieraskieliset / In-english

Blog: The man for me

Vieraskieliset / In-english
3.11.2020 9.15

Juttua muokattu:

11.11. 13:59

We pe­da­led our bi­kes to­get­her against strong he­ad­wind. I comp­lai­ned a lit­t­le be­cau­se my bike was so he­a­vy to pe­dal and I felt cold. We had gone for a jog or a bike ride eve­ry sing­le eve­ning du­ring the lock­down. My hus­band as­ked me to bike by his side in such a way that he could pro­tect me from the worst wind. How ro­man­tic!

I sud­den­ly re­mem­be­red that my bike is more than 20 ye­ars old. It is as old as our mar­ri­a­ge. It was a mor­ning gift from my hus­band af­ter our wed­ding. We laug­hed about that and ag­reed that the bike is sym­bo­lic of our mar­ri­a­ge: a bit stiff and rus­ty but re­li­ab­le and faith­ful, oc­ca­si­o­nal­ly even surp­ri­sing.

I felt an unex­pec­ted wave of gra­ti­tu­de. We have li­ved to­get­her for so many ye­ars, and we still en­joy each ot­her’s com­pa­ny. That is pre­ci­ous. There are ti­mes when I find him an­no­ying and im­pos­sib­le to un­ders­tand, but very soon he again seems the best of men.

While pe­da­ling along, we be­gan to re­mi­nis­ce about the time when we first met and got to know each ot­her. We met at the Sii­ka­tör­mä camp. For many pre­vi­ous sum­mers, I had been a coun­se­lor at the camps for spe­ci­al needs child­ren and yo­uth.

That sum­mer the coup­le who were camp di­rec­tors had rec­rui­ted a new coun­se­lor, a guy cal­led Jan­ne from Sei­nä­jo­ki. He was a nice, straight­for­ward per­son. I was hap­py when I he­ard he was co­ming to study in Ou­lu Uni­ver­si­ty. We met at ser­vi­ces and tal­ked and so­me­ti­mes even vi­si­ted each ot­her.

I re­mem­ber how pain­ful it was to ul­ti­ma­te­ly re­a­li­ze that I was se­ri­ous­ly at­t­rac­ted to him, while I still knew not­hing about his fee­lings. It was my first ex­pe­rien­ce of that kind of di­lem­ma.

I had cer­tain­ly felt at­t­rac­ted be­fo­re, but had al­wa­ys found that the con­ver­sa­ti­on that flo­wed free­ly in a group of friends ten­ded to dry up when we were to­get­her wit­hout the ot­hers. I was ago­ni­zing about how one can know who is the right one. I won­de­red what was wrong with me: when I felt at­t­rac­ted to so­me­o­ne and even re­cei­ved a fa­vo­rab­le res­pon­se, I sud­den­ly withd­rew in­to my shell and stop­ped being in­te­res­ted.

Pe­op­le had told me that one knows when one meets the right per­son. I re­a­li­zed that now, but did he? It was both ea­sy and in­te­res­ting to vi­sit with him. I wan­ted to get to know him bet­ter but was si­mul­ta­ne­ous­ly af­raid that I might fall even more deep­ly in love with him, and that not­hing might come out of it.

I had ne­ver be­fo­re cried over a boy, but now I did and fret­ted about the si­tu­a­ti­on to my sis­ter and my friends. I did not want to fall in love. I was af­raid I would break down if I did not get him.

We had been tex­ting a lot, and he fi­nal­ly cal­led and as­ked me for a walk. He sug­ges­ted I should start wal­king from my stu­dent flat and he would start wal­king from his. We were to meet at the brid­ge re­const­ruc­ti­on site half­way in bet­ween. That was where we tal­ked and ad­mit­ted to each ot­her that we were ho­pe­les­s­ly in love – or ac­tu­al­ly we did not dare to say it so frank­ly. I said that ma­y­be I felt a lit­t­le at­t­rac­ted to him, and he said I was pro­bab­ly the ni­cest girl he had met.

When he sug­ges­ted we should start cour­ting, I said it was okay, but ma­y­be a lit­t­le la­ter. I thought we could wait for a coup­le of months be­fo­re going out to­get­her, but when he came up to me at ser­vi­ces the fol­lo­wing Sun­day and as­ked if he could sit next to me, I said yes. Af­ter the ser­vi­ce we star­ted get­ting mes­sa­ges with cong­ra­tu­la­ti­ons. We had a prob­lem: should we thank our friends for the cong­ra­tu­la­ti­ons or deny the whole thing. We than­ked them and star­ted hol­ding hands that same eve­ning. We tal­ked a lot about many things. I wan­ted to know all about him and to tell him all about my­self.

Though I know that yo­un­ger pe­op­le hard­ly want ad­vi­ce from a mid­d­le-aged lady, I still want to give this ad­vi­ce. If you are, like I was, won­de­ring about who is the right one for you, I can say that if you find so­me­o­ne who wants to lis­ten to you and if you al­so want to lis­ten to him or her, it may be that you have found the right one.

If both are in­te­res­ted in the ot­her’s thoughts, his­to­ry, fa­mi­ly and friends, you may have found the right one. If you can talk about all things and there are no sec­rets bet­ween you, you may have found the right one. If you can dis­cuss yo­ur va­lu­es right at the be­gin­ning and there is no disc­re­pan­cy bet­ween them, you may have found the right one.

If you laugh at his jo­kes and he laughs at yo­urs, if you find him good-loo­king and he al­so finds you good-loo­king, and if there is some elect­ri­ci­ty bet­ween you, ma­y­be he is the right one for you. If he be­lie­ves sin­ce­re­ly in his he­art in the same way as you do, and if he al­so thinks that you should to­get­her aim at the same goal, li­fe­long mar­ri­a­ge, take him if you can. Yet, you may find all this ad­vi­ce use­less but may still find the right one - or not.

Text: Vir­pi Mä­ki­nen

Trans­la­ti­on: Sirk­ka-Lii­sa Lei­no­nen

You will find the ori­gi­nal blog post here.


Älä muis­ta nuo­ruu­te­ni syn­te­jä, älä pa­ho­ja te­ko­ja­ni! Sinä, joka olet us­kol­li­nen ja hyvä, älä unoh­da mi­nua! Hyvä ja oi­ke­a­mie­li­nen on Her­ra, hän neu­voo syn­ti­sil­le tien. Ps. 25:7–8

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