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Vieraskieliset / In-english

Blog: Let us car­ry each ot­her’s bur­dens

Päivämies-verkkolehti
Vieraskieliset / In-english
26.11.2018 6.36

Juttua muokattu:

31.12. 09:28
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I think each of us would be­ne­fit from an ex­pe­rien­ce of being car­ried. I know I need a lot of sup­port and car­rying, and I think many ot­her mot­hers feel the same. Sup­port gi­ven to pa­rent­hood is es­pe­ci­al­ly va­lu­ab­le be­cau­se it ends up being sup­port to the wel­fa­re of fu­tu­re ge­ne­ra­ti­ons.

Be­co­ming a pa­rent is one of the great tur­ning-points in life, and it may turn out to be surp­ri­sing and even shoc­king. It has been said that “preg­nan­cy and birth bring both the mot­her and the fat­her down to a le­vel of deep, pri­mi­ti­ve ex­pe­rien­ce”. It may be dif­fi­cult to ver­ba­li­ze one’s emo­ti­ons at this point in life. “The birth of a baby is like a deep dive in­to one’s unk­nown self, af­ter which the pa­rent usu­al­ly be­gins to feel in­desc­ri­bab­le ten­der­ness to­ward their tiny baby.” It is sad that many pa­rents are no­wa­da­ys left alo­ne and in­se­cu­re amidst this emo­ti­o­nal tur­moil.

Our pa­rent­hood in­vol­ves our child­ren but al­so our own past. ”Op­ti­mal­ly, pa­rent­hood de­ve­lops in­to a rich, subt­ly nu­an­ced pro­cess of in­te­rac­ti­on du­ring in­fan­cy, child­hood, and ado­les­cen­ce – long be­fo­re one as­su­mes one’s own role as a bi­o­lo­gi­cal, fos­ter, or adop­ti­ve pa­rent.” When a baby is born in­to a fa­mi­ly, the pa­rents live through a mix­tu­re of the past and the pre­sent, while si­mul­ta­ne­ous­ly en­vi­si­o­ning the fu­tu­re of their fa­mi­ly. Pa­rent­hood is a comp­lex net­work of in­ter­re­la­ted emo­ti­ons.

I on­ce saw a book of pho­tog­raphs of mot­hers who had very re­cent­ly gi­ven birth. The as­to­nish­ment at the mi­rac­le of birth was pal­pab­le in the pic­tu­res. The qui­et wo­men sta­red in­to the dis­tan­ce; they were like lit­t­le girls in their wide-ey­ed ama­ze­ment. This thing had hap­pe­ned, they had the small bund­le in their arms, and they were fa­ced by the chal­len­ge of ma­na­ging in a new kind of life. When I had my first baby ye­ars ago, I got a gree­ting card with a lo­ve­ly text: “May the Cre­a­tor of the world pro­tect this new life.” I cried when I read those words. All mot­hers cry ea­si­ly af­ter gi­ving birth, but I al­so felt that my lo­ne­ly arms were far too weak to car­ry the baby. I nee­ded the strength and pro­tec­ti­on of the arms of al­migh­ty God.

Being at home with the child­ren is a very lo­ne­ly job. If one is lo­ne­ly for a long time, fa­ti­gue and ot­her ne­ga­ti­ve things be­gin to seem like a bur­den – one finds one­self comp­le­te­ly ina­de­qu­a­te. I think that a mot­her who spends the days with her child­ren par­ti­cu­lar­ly needs anot­her adult to share the emo­ti­o­nal bur­den that has pi­led up du­ring the day. For me, the har­dest part of mot­her­hood is not the laund­ry, the mud­dy boots, or the run­ny no­ses, but the lo­ne­li­ness of my thoughts and emo­ti­o­nal bur­dens. When I meet ot­her pe­op­le, my he­a­vy thoughts that have been like high moun­tains at home di­mi­nish in­to ma­na­ge­ab­le pro­por­ti­ons. Some may still re­main big, but ot­hers may comp­le­te­ly di­sap­pe­ar when I speak about them. It turns out that many of us share the same ex­pe­rien­ces.

How can we sup­port ot­hers? Friends and fa­mi­ly mem­bers can sup­port us in many ways, and there is al­so pro­fes­si­o­nal help avai­lab­le from so­cie­ty. I have found that the day care cen­ters of our child­ren have hel­ped me a lot in my mot­her­hood. Fa­mi­ly circ­les are anot­her pre­ci­ous sup­port. The lo­ne­ly pa­rent can share his or her res­pon­si­bi­li­ties with ot­her adults, who take turns hol­ding the child­ren and sha­ring thoughts. Ac­tu­al­ly all life seems bet­ter when there is sha­red sup­port. And this is what es­pe­ci­al­ly warms my he­art in fa­mi­ly circ­le: so­me­o­ne el­se rocks my baby in gent­le arms, while I have a nice cup of cof­fee on an or­di­na­ry week­day mor­ning. Even cof­fee tas­tes bet­ter when there are ot­her pe­op­le to drink it with you.

Let us sup­port and car­ry each ot­her in simp­le eve­ry­day ways: by hel­ping with child care, lis­te­ning to each ot­her, dis­cus­sing, and vi­si­ting. Sup­port can al­so mean pro­fes­si­o­nal help and use­ful in­for­ma­ti­on gi­ven at a time when one feels an­xi­ous and lost. It al­so me­ans un­ders­tan­ding of the fact that we all have our na­tu­ral ways of res­pon­ding to things: one ea­si­ly tremb­les with fear, while anot­her is stron­ger and ab­le to car­ry a he­a­vier bur­den. Each fa­mi­ly has a dif­fe­rent story. We have all been sha­ped by life and the past events in­to the kind of per­sons that we are.

The quo­tes are trans­la­ti­ons from a Fin­nish book äi­din ja vau­van var­hai­nen vuo­ro­vai­ku­tus by Han­ne­le Tör­rö­nen and Pirk­ko Sil­ta­la (edi­ted by Pirk­ko Nie­me­lä, Pirk­ko Sil­ta­la and Tuu­la Tam­mi­nen)

Text: Ma­ria Hy­vä­ri

Trans­la­ti­on: Sirk­ka-Lii­sa Lei­no­nen

You will find the ori­gi­nal Fin­nish blog post here.

4.6.2020

Ku­kaan, joka pu­huu Ju­ma­lan Hen­gen val­taa­ma­na, ei voi sa­noa: "Jee­sus on ki­rot­tu." Ku­kaan ei myös­kään voi sa­noa: "Jee­sus on Her­ra", muu­ten kuin Py­hän Hen­gen vai­ku­tuk­ses­ta. 1 Kor. 12:3

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