When I woke up the first-grader, she felt and looked feverish. Was that why she had slept so restlessly? She had wanted to come into our bed and had then tossed and turned all night. I felt I had hardly slept at all. I took her temperature, gave her some medicine and made breakfast.
Imagine yourself at a normal weekday meal. You hear the clatter of spoons and smell the aroma of hot soup. There is the hum of conversation with occasional silent moments. And then, all of a sudden, you feel small arms around you and see the sunny face of a child. “She is so nice. This mommy is so sweet. I love you very, very much.”
The camp of the Lutheran Church of Estonia, Talu, is located in Saku twenty kilometers away from Tallinn, the capital city. Talu is Estonian and means a ’farmhouse’. And we actually saw cows and horses grazing around the camp. Hens were pecking for food on the yard, and our little daughter was allowed to collect their eggs. The April sun was shining so warmly that the people who had gathered at Talu for a Bible study course decided to keep some of the lessons outdoors.
I am writing this during the Students’ Mental Health week. We have all kinds of theme days and special weeks nowadays. I usually hardly notice them, but I made a note of this week in my calendar. I also posted some pictures and thoughts on this topic on my social media accounts.
It is a brilliant March day. I sit down to rest my feet and wait for the coffee to drip. I just came in after a skiing trip. The sun sparkled on the snow, and my skis made a nice crunching noise on the snow. Sparrows twittered in the shrubbery, and water was dripping cheerfully from the eaves. While skiing without any cares, my memories traveled back to some old events and experiences.
I am standing in front of a mirror and trying to obey the women’s magazine that tells me to be content with myself.
”People have a pervasive illusion that they make their decisions rationally, although their lives are often dominated by emotions”, says a well-known Finnish brain specialist Lauri Nummenmaa.
Again she wants to hear that same song. I choose it on the player, choking back my tears. I cannot sing along, afraid that my voice will break and show them all I am about to cry. I keep my eyes on the road and grasp the steering wheel tightly, to prevent my tears from flowing. I almost hate that beautiful song, because I hate this situation, my helplessness and the desperation I feel when my child always wants to hear this song. And yet it is good to know that, by again choosing it, she wants to tell me how she is feeling.
My mother and father used to take us all to services on Sundays. When I was a little boy, we used to go to services at Oulu rauhanyhdistys. I remember the dark grey banisters, and I think there was a balcony upstairs. There was probably also an organ.
I had seen those hazily beautiful cardboard pictures on the walls of many other houses: there was one of Jesus standing in a boat and speaking to a group of people gathered on the shore and another of Him alone holding a sheep.
About two years ago, on an ordinary Thursday morning, our whole life seemed to turn around. My father had slipped and fallen on the yard.
I open the windows of the publications sale booth. Services are due to begin, and people are arriving. They are stamping snow off their shoes, looking around for someone they would like to see, pulling off their coats.
This was not part of the dreams I had as a young girl – the home of a single person. But this home is my own home, and it is always a joy to come back here. Yet I dreamed of something different. Were they futile dreams because they did not come true? I do not think so. When you dream about something, you never know whether or not your dream will come true. If we were able to know all things beforehand, life would seem quite empty.
Raamatun mukaan jokainen Jumalan valtakunnan jäsen on avoin lähetyskirje omassa toimintaympäristössään (2. Kor. 3:2–3). Tämä asia voi olla kipupiste uskovaiselle ihmiselle, sillä henkilökohtaisesta uskosta puhumiselle on korkea kynnys nyky-yhteiskunnassa.